My Relationship Constitution
This is about you — how you work, what you need, where you bend and where you don't. Fill it in once and it becomes the thing you hold each dynamic up against. It is never scored. It's a mirror, not a verdict.
My Kink List
Yours to know yourself by. Rate each one honestly — Hard no is a wall, Favourite is a green light, and everything between is real too. Add who you want to give or receive it as, and a note for the nuance a single word can't hold. Nothing here is shared unless you choose to export it. There are no wrong answers, only true ones.
Negotiation sheet
A clean one-pager built from your Constitution and Kink List — the things worth saying out loud before a scene. Print it or save it as a PDF and share it by choice. It's a starting point for a conversation, never a contract, and it only ever holds what you've chosen to write.
Data & Privacy
This tool holds some of the most sensitive notes a person can keep. So it is built to hold no power over you: it never phones home, it stores nothing in the cloud, and the only copy that leaves this device is one you encrypt yourself.
Encrypted backup
Export your whole toolkit to a single encrypted file, locked with a passphrase only you know. Keep it somewhere safe. Without the passphrase, the file is unreadable — including by us, by anyone who finds it, and by you if you forget it. Choose something you won't lose.
Wipe everything
Permanently remove all data from this device. There is no undo. Export a backup first if you might want it back.
A note on the things this tool will not do
- It will never give anyone a score, a rating, or a "safe / unsafe" verdict.
- It will never let you (or anyone) build a public reputation file on another person.
- It will never store a photo of an ID or any proof of someone's identity.
- It can surface warning signs and good signs — but the reading is always yours to make.
How to use this
This isn't a test you pass someone through once. It's a place to slow down and pay attention over time.
Start with your own Constitution. Before you weigh anyone else, get clear on how you work — your limits, your needs, what repair looks like to you. You can't notice a mismatch you've never named.
Add a dynamic for each person. Vet the early questions, log the consent conversations you've actually had, and write their answers in their own words. The open questions ("what does surrender mean to you?") tell you far more than any label.
Keep the journal going. This is the real work. Anyone can perform well for a week. Consistency across months — showing up after a hard day, holding a boundary, apologising and changing — is the thing that can't be faked. Your journal is the record of it.
Let the flags be prompts, not judges. When something gets flagged, the tool won't tell you what to do. It'll just say: this is worth a pause, and worth talking to someone you trust. The decision stays where it belongs — with you.
A note: a checklist can't tell you someone is safe. Safe people and unsafe people can both answer questions well. What this gives you is structure for your own attention — and a record that's honest with you when memory gets generous.